Want to write more

Everyone has its journey of doing PhD, so do I. I am grateful that I have time now in this period to think freely and critically about my academic focus, my values, and the relation between me and the world. As a human, I cannot escape the trauma and mental avoidances generated from my interaction with others, especially in an environment where I share little culture realities with others. Admittedly, it has taken me a considerable amount of mental power to detach myself from the negative associations, which I have to accept as an indispensable part of my journey.

Over the years, I have been receiving all kinds of information, each piece of which conveys its perspective. The unavoidable clash of views has unfortunately shaken my vulnerable mentalities and forced me to reexamine the things around me and the values I was holding. (In hindsight, I am grateful for this). I cannot let the clutter stay in my mind for so long, so I need to clear the confusion and recoup the clarity. With this target, human consciousness has become a natural nexus, leading me to think about the philosophy, religion, psychology, cognitive science and natural science. Now I know that I am not a fanatic of science, but instead, I am an adherent of scientism, which more reflects my values: balance and diversity (hopefully I have time to unfold these in the future).

With this thinking, I have developed fruitful subjective knowledge to maintain a stable mentality. At the same time, am desirous of sharing this and letting people know how I think and what I am thinking about. However, writing this down is never easy, because I have to use my mental filters to reduce the dimensions of the content so that a piece of paper can hold. What is painful is that the reduction itself is a distortion of the message I want to convey and therefore minimizing the distortion is the central target (cost function) for my writing.

Perhaps, via writing and sharing, I could find some people who think alike, because I don’t believe in the authentic originality of ideas. However, I should be aware that no matter how I write or what I write about, it is my perspective and perhaps even makes no sense to other people at all; therefore I should not be self-conscious but be myself.

So I want to write a bit more, let me see if it can fit in.

Chao (Cico) Zhang
Philosopher, Doer, Generalist, Zen Mindfulness Meditator, Mathematician, PhD Candidate

With mindfulness and philosophy, I relish thinking about the meaning of being and doing.


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